reality bytes!!!

Is it real??
Things that don't really exist.....



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Chelsea vs Manchester United

Primary school teacher in London: "Today children, we'll be talking about football...I want everyone in the class to raise there hand if you support Chelsea" , everyone in the class raises an hand except young Billy at the back of the room..."Billy, how come you don't support CHELSEA like the rest of your classmates?", "well miss, my dad was born in Manchester so he supports Manchester United ,my mum was born in Manchester united so she supports Man utd.and I was born in Manchester Utd . so i'll support Manchester United as well" replies Billy, "You know Billy, you don't always have to follow what your mum and dad do, I mean...if your dad was a burglar and your mum was a prostitute what would you do?" asks the teacher....Billy looks disgruntled and replies "i'd probably be a Chelsea supporter like the rest of the class!!!!!!"
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Barney's Dream

There once was a well-dressed man, Who made a young lady a fan, She gave him her number, He laid pipe like a plumber, Then before she awoke he ran. All the fair lasses kept starin', At a lad in the tavern MacLaren, They fought for this stud, In their bras and the mud, Must be that pinstripe he's wearin'. There was a young lass from Killarney, Who promised a gentleman named Arnie, That she only was his Though a fat lie this is, 'Cause last night she was screaming O'Barney. A man in a sharp navy blazer Clearly hand-tailored by razor, Went on a roll, Captured his goal, And never got tagged by a laser. I was in love with a chick named Pam, Who showed me pics of her fam, Pretty cute cat, But her mom was fat, So I dumped her that night on the tram.
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Poetry we missed out in nursery...

Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. ******************** Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread. ******************** Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son. ******************** Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man, 'What have you got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon, 'Pies, you dumb ass' ******************** Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again. ******************** Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock. ***** ****** * ******** Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. ...
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